ClipSelect v3

Brettwork

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A NETFLIX SERIES

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[tapping on glass]

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[Mr. Hand] Gather round, Hand family.

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You've been summoned to Hand Manor for our most cherished tradition,

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the annual ranking of the Hand children.

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Hear, hear!

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You have one minute to defend your value.

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Well, I just made partner at the firm,

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totally crushed this greedy class action suit.

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It's every American's right to own a wig factory that poisons a river.

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Taff?

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I've decided to end my seven-figure modeling contract to pursue my hobby.

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Pediatric brain surgery.

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Our size zero is turning into a hero. Brett?

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I have a new job too. It-It's super important.

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I just can't talk about it or the nanobots will explode my brain.

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Ah, yes, your "classified" job.

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[groans] I blame myself.

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For not adequately blaming the staff we hired to raise you.

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You've always been an embarrassment.

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Luckily we have Jagg here to carry the family name.

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My campaign for senator airs its first commercial

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on Patriot News this week.

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Called it.

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This campaign could not exist without all of your help.

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-[Taff] Of course! -[Matt] We love you, bro.

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Wait, you're all working on Jagg's campaign?

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Why didn't anybody ask me to help?

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With what? Slowly draining your "trust fund"?

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Shrewsbury, up top!

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Savage burn, sir.

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Uh, no offense, Brett, but you've always been kind of a spineless yes man.

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Oh, come on. I'm not spineless.

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The doctor said my spine is just huggably soft.

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Well, Muffy just had puppies.

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So that puts her in a tie for fourth.

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Shall we vote?

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All in favor of Muffy in fourth?

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Aye!

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[sighs] Aye.

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Break out the will.

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-That dog is getting a house in Cape Cod. -[bell rings]

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[string orchestral music plays]

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[upbeat music plays]

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[military music plays]

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Tonight, sexting.

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Are dirty messages distracting your teen from studying their assault rifle?

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Right again, Danica.

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But first, are you sick of liberals

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telling you you can't eat an entire drum of fructose corn syrup?

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even massive lethal amounts of fructose.

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Consume.

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-Consume, consume, consume, consume. -Consume, consume, consume, consume.

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-Consume, consume, consume. -Consume, consume, consume.

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Now you, conflicting viewpoint, you're up.

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Whatever Patriot News just said was wrong.

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Here are some synonyms to wrong.

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Scurrilous, malfease-escent, incorrectitude.

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What matters most is that we all come together and eat quinoa.

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Consume, consume.

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Oh, I love cable news.

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It's like watching the apocalypse in slow motion.

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Imagine if outraged viewers on both sides knew the truth about the Gigi-run media.

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Uh, our conspiracies aren't gonna cover up themselves.

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That's why my department creates meaningless controversies

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to distract the country from the truth.

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Like that you and your new boy toy almost leveled Rome on a sexcapade.

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[bell rings]

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[Gigi] When we come back, get flirtier.

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I want to see sparks.

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[electricity crackles]

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Ugh. He's doing the thing again!

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I thought you said robotic male co-hosts would be cheaper.

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When you factor in the sexual harassment suits from human anchormen,

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we still save money.

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When I decided to run for Senate, it wasn't for the elites in Washington.

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I did it for what matters.

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Family. Whether it's your family, or mine right here.

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Ah, we're sure proud of you, bro.

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Thanks, Brett.

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[laughs] Uh, awesome.

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What? Your family recast you in an ad about the importance of family?

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Well, Jagg said Wheelchair Brett tested better.

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I know that you got here by being a yes man.

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[laughs] Why do people keep saying that?

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But that commercial should piss you off!

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Absolutely agree. Hundred percent.

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-[screaming] -Do something!

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What does pro-death even mean?

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Today's sponsor is Tubbo's Pizza.

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Stuff your crust, stuff your casket.

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Where am I supposed to find another camera-ready white man

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who can talk for hours without actually saying anything?

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[Brett] Really? Everything bagels?

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[laughs] Get real. I can name at least a thousand things not on this bagel.

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Legos, fingers, time itself…

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[gasps] My God! Non-threatening, all-American.

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The Comic Sans of people. Brett!

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Me, a news anchor?

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But my parents watch Patriot News 24/7. What if I say the wrong thing?

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Everyone's dream is to be on TV.

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Actually, my dream was to--

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[groans] I'm already bored.

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Perhaps I can offer my assistance.

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By compiling thousands of hours of news footage,

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I can generate a script that's boomer catnip,

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and I am hungry to get back into the political arena.

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Well, I guess your scripts couldn't be worse than Glenn's.

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I write what's in my heart, which is fear,

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and according to the doctors, a new type of cholesterol.

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Intern, Tubbo's pizza me.

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Brett, Reagan, 60 seconds!

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Hurry! We're on in five, four…

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Don't shank this, pretty boy.

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[gulps]

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Vegetarianism's a slippery slope to cows taking over

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and eating America's beloved golf courses.

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I like my meat the way I like my toxic waste.

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Ignored by safety inspectors.

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And if we really believe in freedom, shouldn't guns be allowed to vote?

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Wow, you've finally done it.

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Artificial unintelligence.

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Would anyone even fall for this crap?

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Guns should vote!

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Finally, someone brave enough to say it.

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That's our show.

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[Gigi sighs] That's commercial.

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[sighs] Was that okay?

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Look at these views!

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You're like Captain America fucked Steve McQueen fucked Lightning McQueen!

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[laughs] Kachow!

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How would you like to permanently co-host?

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We've got something here, Brett,

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and your chest is somehow harder than the robot's.

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Well, if it'll make you guys happy

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and it'll impress my parents, I guess I'm in.

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Finally. I have my own puppet.

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Phase one, a signature look that also serves as merchandise.

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And if I want to shoot endangered animals out of catapults on my own gold farm,

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it's my right!

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I like this nice, young man.

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Heckin' right. Someone who respects freedom.

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And soon, hopefully, a gun's right to marry another gun.

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You'll be wed soon, my pretties.

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[kissing noises]

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Phase two. Appeal to their emotions.

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Fear, fear, fear.

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-Fear, fear, fear. -Fear, fear, fear.

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Finally, a beacon of hope.

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From now on, I'm gonna let my screaming do the talking.

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And for the coup de grâce, an inane catchphrase. Something like…

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Bretts get ready to rumble!

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America, you have a Brett-shaped hole in your heart

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and I am here to fill your Brett hole.

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It might just be my pills talking, but I think that's our son.

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Brett on Patriot News?

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Shrewsbury, unblock his phone number and get him on the line.

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Everybody, hide! Rupert's on the warpath.

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He's killing people with his bare hands.

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For once, this is not inflammatory hyperbole!

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[screaming]

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Thank God for these doors that lock from the inside.

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-[woman screams] -[all gasp]

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I smell opportunity.

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[sniffs] And fucking Sumatran blend?

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No. No, no, no. I-I swear I ordered Kenyan!

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Ha! I'm fucking with you, intern.

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Go clean my car. I think someone threw up in the driver's seat this morning.

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Whoa!

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[cell phone buzzes]

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Mom and Dad watch every night.

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For realio?

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It's not easy to say this, but we're… [sighs] We're… Shrewsbury!

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They are proud of you, sir.

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[Mr. Hand] This changes everything.

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You've just been promoted to number two son.

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Wheelchair Brett, you're fired.

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[Wheelchair Brett yells]

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Matt, you're number three now.

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Your new friends are Luke Hemsworth and Tom Franco.

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No. No. No!

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[gasps and screams]

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And then Jagg asked me to open for him at campaign rallies.

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For the first time in my life, I'm finally part of the family.

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Brett, get ready to go to war with your family.

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You're running for senator.

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[gulps and laughs awkwardly]

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Huh. I always thought that was a supply closet.

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It's those crazy Backhanders you've been whipping up on Patriot News.

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But we already own the president and 49% of Congress.

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Exactly. If you win, Cognito will fully rule America.

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But, sir, my family just started respecting me and--

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Can it! I pay you to talk, not to talk. Gigi, you're on media.

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I'm gonna soundbite the nation's dick off.

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Myc, you're the cutthroat campaign manager.

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[Myc] Is that literal? How much power are we talking about here?

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Glenn, you're the injured veteran who we trot out as a prop for sympathy.

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I don't want your pity.

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Andre, you're probably a millennial.

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Go to college campuses and drum up the youth vote.

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You know millennials are, like, pushing 40 now, right?

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And I'll be the power behind the scenes with my four-dimensional chess.

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I can take my manipulation to the next-- [groans]

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You're the doorstop.

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What? This is an outrage. I should have let Bear-O destroy you all.

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[sighs]

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Okay, Dad. What's your real reason for getting involved in this one dumb race?

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The Neglectfully Excommunicated Exes Date You Act?

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It legally requires all divorced couples to go on a romantic date once a month.

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Sex optional. Don't want to overreach.

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So you're gonna overthrow the government just to make Mom tolerate a date with you?

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Democracy in action.

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Brett, Brett, Brett!

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[groans] Can't we make the intern do this?

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Interns don't have self-moistening blowholes.

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Stop talking about your holes.

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I'm on the line with my old sweatshop connects

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trying to get these "Keep Jobs in America" hats on the cheap.

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Xin Zhao, Nike.

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Where the hell is Brett?

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-[knocking on door] -Come on, man.

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[sighs] You're right, Reagan. Time to face the FaceTime.

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This FaceTime, it's personal.

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What the fuck are you thinking?

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Destroying your brother's political legacy.

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What are you, a Bush?

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I swear it wasn't my idea!

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Drop out or we'll disown you.

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Fix this, Brett.

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Or you'll be as dead to us as the fourth Hand brother, Chad.

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-Wait, who? -I've said too much.

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[gasps] If I win, my dad hates me. But if I quit the race, your dad hates me.

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There's so many dads!

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[Brett whimpers]

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You know what? Fuck our parents.

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What if we secretly sabotage your campaign?

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The Deep State wants you to win,

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but we can form an even deeper state to lose.

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You'd do that for me?

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Of course. Get ready to join the deepest state there is. Friendship.

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Brett Hand for Senate!

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You want me to help you lose the election?

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But I've worked so hard to create the perfect candidate.

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Look, if I could destroy my political puppet,

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you can take down yours.

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Come on, Alpha-Beta, destroy me. I'm just begging for it.

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It's somehow less fun when you want it,

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but I do have an encyclopedic recall of every career-ending political scandal.

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Okay, Brett, let's ruin your life.

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Oh, thank God. Where do we start?

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Can't go wrong with the classics.

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[dominatrix] What are you into, bad boy?

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Whatever you're into.

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Well, I'd be into getting more respect from society at large.

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You know, I'm… I'm sorry. I'm talking about myself.

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No, no, no, no, no. I'm here to listen.

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I couldn't help it. The solution just seemed so obvious.

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Can you grab a photo of me snorting this maple-flavored cocaine?

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Hey, helping out is what being a drug lord's all about, eh?

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Okay, here goes.

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I've only sniffed Crayola markers before, but this can't be that different, right?

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[sneezes]

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Wow, you did it!

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You took out Infamous Canadian drug lord Tony "Maple Leaf" O'Malley!

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I did what now?

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Wow! A key to the city of Toronto. Wow, man, that's like oh shit.

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This feels like a boss key, like in Zelda.

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What are you, Ganon? Who's thirsty? I could go for some water.

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Let's talk about water.

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to put out the fires in California?

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They were really nice about it, and I just felt too bad to correct them.

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Well, when I'm senator, I'm slashing health benefits for veterans like this.

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[gasping]

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To be clear, I, Brett Hand, think veterans are dumb babies.

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What the hell, Brett?

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I moistened 10,000 expired stamps for you.

0:14:50.88 - 0:14:51.92

[burps]

0:14:52.00 - 0:14:53.38

So many stamps.

0:14:54.08 - 0:14:57.21

Glenn! Don't worry. I learned Dolphin CPR at SeaWorld.

0:14:57.79 - 0:15:01.04

[Myc] Huh. Always figured if Glenn died from a Seinfeld plot line,

0:15:01.13 - 0:15:03.08

it would've been the no jacking off one.

0:15:03.17 - 0:15:04.38

[dramatic music plays]

0:15:04.46 - 0:15:05.38

[Brett blows] [Glenn gasps]

0:15:06.38 - 0:15:07.71

[Glenn gags]

0:15:07.79 - 0:15:09.46

[woman] He can walk again!

0:15:09.54 - 0:15:13.13

This man supports the Marines and aquamarines.

0:15:13.21 - 0:15:16.08

[woman] We love you, Brett! You can do no wrong!

0:15:16.17 - 0:15:18.00

Un-fucking-believable.

0:15:21.54 - 0:15:25.29

You somehow even landed the youth vote. How the hell did that happen?

0:15:25.38 - 0:15:26.25

[dance music plays]

0:15:30.75 - 0:15:34.88

Offshore accounts, bailouts. You can get away with anything!

0:15:34.96 - 0:15:37.17

If you really want to get back at your parents,

0:15:37.25 - 0:15:40.29

vote with them against all their interests.

0:15:41.42 - 0:15:43.83

Nothing matters but the self!

0:15:43.92 - 0:15:48.58

[groans] My family is gonna disown me for destroying Jagg's chances.

0:15:48.67 - 0:15:51.75

I need a bigger scandal. Why don't scandals work anymore?

0:15:51.83 - 0:15:54.04

You've entered the modern "infallible zone."

0:15:54.13 - 0:15:55.58

People don't give a shit anymore.

0:15:55.67 - 0:15:58.00

As long as you're their guy, you're bulletproof.

0:16:03.04 - 0:16:06.00

We'll fake Brett's death and once the election is over, come clean.

0:16:06.08 - 0:16:11.04

Oh, right. Because faking your own death worked out so well last time, Reagan.

0:16:11.13 - 0:16:12.33

Redundant much?

0:16:12.42 - 0:16:15.21

We can't afford originality right now, Alpha-Beta.

0:16:15.29 - 0:16:19.67

-We need to kill Brett to save Brett. -I know exactly how I want to die.

0:16:19.75 - 0:16:21.71

Just like my grandfather.

0:16:31.46 - 0:16:32.92

Damn it. Brett's dead?

0:16:33.00 - 0:16:37.25

Well. This is why I collect blood samples. Fire up some Brett clones, DupliKate.

0:16:38.58 - 0:16:40.00

[machine beeps]

0:16:40.08 - 0:16:43.63

I can't believe it. His DNA is too average to replicate.

0:16:43.71 - 0:16:44.71

Horrifying.

0:16:44.79 - 0:16:47.96

Hm. Something's fishy. And for once, it's not Glenn.

0:16:48.04 - 0:16:49.92

I could run for senator. [gasps]

0:16:50.00 - 0:16:52.92

Why don't you run for a less dry sandwich, shithead?

0:16:53.00 - 0:16:54.29

Thank you, sir. I love it, sir.

0:17:07.33 - 0:17:09.96

No! No, no! Brett!

0:17:12.79 - 0:17:16.50

Ever wondered why your Medicare covers your nether regions,

0:17:16.58 - 0:17:20.92

but not the undercarriage of the one you love the most?

0:17:24.50 - 0:17:26.67

Swing Low, Sweet Chariots.

0:17:27.92 - 0:17:28.92

[sustained beep]

0:17:29.00 - 0:17:30.25

You're done, Danica.

0:17:30.33 - 0:17:34.29

Cable news only pushes conspiracies that help our corporate sponsors.

0:17:34.38 - 0:17:35.88

I know Brett's here somewhere.

0:17:35.96 - 0:17:38.29

I can still smell his Axe Body Spray!

0:17:38.38 - 0:17:40.83

Let go of me! Brett! No!

0:17:40.92 - 0:17:44.92

[Myc] Is Brett really gone? Am I the hottest guy in the office again?

0:17:45.00 - 0:17:48.25

I don't buy it. People fake their deaths like office birthdays around here.

0:17:48.33 - 0:17:51.21

I think we got a Russian nesting doll of deeper states going on.

0:17:51.29 - 0:17:53.50

And Gigi is gonna sniff it out.

0:17:56.42 - 0:17:58.83

To honor the light he brought into our lives,

0:17:58.92 - 0:18:00.33

the extended Hand family,

0:18:00.42 - 0:18:03.50

myself, Taff, Matt, and our various unnamed cousins…

0:18:03.58 - 0:18:06.67

I want to say Brad. Maybe a Brad in there.

0:18:06.75 - 0:18:07.58

Yes.

0:18:07.67 - 0:18:11.75

…will hold a private memorial slash candlelight touch football game

0:18:11.83 - 0:18:13.79

on our family compound.

0:18:13.88 - 0:18:16.25

"Beloved," "honor," "respect."

0:18:16.33 - 0:18:18.25

This is all I've ever wanted!

0:18:18.33 - 0:18:21.13

Do you think they'll mix my ashes with their favorite horses'?

0:18:21.21 - 0:18:24.71

Sure, if that's what a normal insane rich family would do.

0:18:24.79 - 0:18:27.21

This death is the best day of my life!

0:18:27.71 - 0:18:29.29

[reporters shout]

0:18:29.38 - 0:18:31.79

Yes, you, the guy who looks like he owns a snake.

0:18:34.71 - 0:18:38.42

I read on my own website that the Hand family assassinated Brett

0:18:38.50 - 0:18:40.25

to keep him from beating you.

0:18:40.33 - 0:18:43.42

That's less of a question and more of an accusation!

0:18:43.50 - 0:18:45.58

Go to hell in a handbasket, traitors!

0:18:45.67 - 0:18:46.58

[yelling]

0:18:47.25 - 0:18:49.25

Uh, okay, no more questions.

0:18:49.75 - 0:18:53.00

Look at that outpouring of love from both sides.

0:18:53.08 - 0:18:54.54

Oh, they love you, all right.

0:18:57.25 - 0:18:58.25

Those idiots.

0:18:58.33 - 0:19:00.13

The Hands didn't kill Brett.

0:19:00.21 - 0:19:02.79

Why are conspiracy theorists always wrong?

0:19:02.88 - 0:19:06.75

Whoever's behind this probably killed Harold the head of the flat-Earthers,

0:19:06.83 - 0:19:08.29

and Jeff Bezos.

0:19:08.38 - 0:19:10.88

Okay. Yeah. That was us. Broken clocks, right?

0:19:10.96 - 0:19:12.33

I wouldn't worry about your family.

0:19:12.42 - 0:19:16.08

Which is why tonight the Hand family will get what's coming to 'em.

0:19:16.17 - 0:19:19.75

We are now taking GoFundMe donations for a guillotine.

0:19:19.83 - 0:19:21.13

[dramatic music crescendos]

0:19:24.21 - 0:19:25.54

[grunting]

0:19:25.63 - 0:19:27.25

Why we gotta all wear black?

0:19:27.33 - 0:19:29.58

It makes it hard to know which one of us I am.

0:19:29.67 - 0:19:31.54

'Cause somebody died, moron.

0:19:31.63 - 0:19:32.75

Hut, hut, hut!

0:19:33.71 - 0:19:36.25

Hey, have some respect.

0:19:36.33 - 0:19:39.17

I can't believe that guy's number two at Goldman Sachs.

0:19:42.00 - 0:19:44.13

The Backhanders are at Home Depot getting pitchforks.

0:19:44.21 - 0:19:45.92

We have to warn your family.

0:19:46.00 - 0:19:48.58

We'll send in drones. I just need a high vantage point.

0:19:48.67 - 0:19:52.04

Like that? Little Brett's pimptastic tree fort.

0:19:52.13 - 0:19:54.04

It was featured on MTV's Cribs Junior,

0:19:54.13 - 0:19:57.13

which was sadly cancelled after the 2008 junior housing crisis.

0:19:57.21 - 0:20:00.04

They built you a tree house outside the property?

0:20:00.13 - 0:20:01.83

It has a zip line to the main house,

0:20:01.92 - 0:20:03.92

which I was told to only use for emergencies.

0:20:04.00 - 0:20:06.58

Okay? Yeah. I… I do hear it. It's bad.

0:20:08.46 - 0:20:11.00

-Whoa. -[Brett] Pimptastic, am I right?

0:20:11.08 - 0:20:12.88

What is all this stuff?

0:20:12.96 - 0:20:15.00

You never said you like crafting.

0:20:20.54 - 0:20:23.92

but my dad told me it would bring shame to the family name

0:20:24.00 - 0:20:26.17

so I put puppeteering on the back burner.

0:20:26.25 - 0:20:29.38

Well, except for on behalf of the shadow government. [laughs]

0:20:29.46 - 0:20:31.75

Back burner? Then what the hell is this?

0:20:32.50 - 0:20:34.50

Oh, I made that one when I was home for Christmas.

0:20:34.58 - 0:20:37.42

'Sup, bros? The name is Lil Brett,

0:20:37.50 - 0:20:41.33

and the game is helping Brett process his fuh-fuh-fuh feelings!

0:20:41.42 - 0:20:42.54

[imitates an air horn]

0:20:42.63 - 0:20:44.33

Damn. If I'd known about all this,

0:20:44.42 - 0:20:47.04

we could have destroyed your candidacy in minutes.

0:20:47.13 - 0:20:49.29

Hey, we all have our coping mechanisms.

0:20:49.38 - 0:20:51.25

"Hand family in danger."

0:20:53.29 - 0:20:55.50

[drone] Condolences, Hand family.

0:20:55.58 - 0:20:57.58

Lock doors. Call police.

0:20:57.67 - 0:21:00.92

Perfect. That's way less creepy than their son being alive.

0:21:01.00 - 0:21:02.00

Uh, guys.

0:21:02.08 - 0:21:04.08

[dramatic music plays]

0:21:06.29 - 0:21:07.29

Huh?

0:21:07.38 - 0:21:10.63

Oh God, it's the Backhanders! How did they find this place?

0:21:10.71 - 0:21:13.00

-Reddit. -Why is it always Reddit?

0:21:13.08 - 0:21:15.50

Deploy containment net on intruders!

0:21:15.58 - 0:21:17.71

[dramatic music continues]

0:21:19.29 - 0:21:22.42

These rich MF-ers even got robot birds.

0:21:22.50 - 0:21:23.83

Kidnap the Hands!

0:21:23.92 - 0:21:25.58

Get them to admit the truth!

0:21:25.67 - 0:21:26.96

Get off our property!

0:21:27.04 - 0:21:28.75

Never. Brett was one of us.

0:21:28.83 - 0:21:32.46

A regular Joe giving it to the elites in the lame-stream media.

0:21:32.54 - 0:21:34.00

Hut, hut, hut.

0:21:34.96 - 0:21:36.13

[grunting]

0:21:38.38 - 0:21:40.63

Jesus, Brett, they're gonna tear each other apart.

0:21:40.71 - 0:21:42.46

You need to go and put an end to this.

0:21:42.54 - 0:21:43.96

But what about Jagg's election?

0:21:44.04 - 0:21:47.29

Who cares? If you don't do something, they'll kill Jagg.

0:21:47.38 - 0:21:50.29

Um, uh… Alpha-Beta. You always know what to say.

0:21:50.38 - 0:21:52.75

There are too many. They're all angry at different things.

0:21:52.83 - 0:21:55.04

Look at their shirts. "Criminalize laws."

0:21:55.13 - 0:21:58.92

"Save the whales, but kill all the bees." "My other Volkswagen is an assault rifle."

0:21:59.00 - 0:22:01.38

What the fuck does that even mean? Libertarians make no sense.

0:22:01.46 - 0:22:03.46

You need to stop being the yes man.

0:22:03.54 - 0:22:05.71

Go down there and tell them all no.

0:22:05.79 - 0:22:07.50

I… I can't.

0:22:08.92 - 0:22:11.13

But I might know someone who can.

0:22:11.21 - 0:22:13.63

-God. Please don't. -You'll only get them murdered quicker.

0:22:15.00 - 0:22:15.83

[exhales]

0:22:15.92 - 0:22:17.63

[dramatic music plays]

0:22:17.71 - 0:22:19.13

[Brett yells]

0:22:19.21 - 0:22:20.46

[everyone gasps]

0:22:20.54 - 0:22:22.75

Praise Brett! We did it!

0:22:22.83 - 0:22:24.92

This proves the conspiracy is real.

0:22:25.00 - 0:22:26.88

Maybe all conspiracies are real.

0:22:26.96 - 0:22:27.88

Oh, that's not good.

0:22:27.96 - 0:22:31.63

Brett. Thank God you're alive to help your brother.

0:22:31.71 - 0:22:34.71

Tell your foam-handed cyber hicks to stand down and vote for Jagg.

0:22:34.79 - 0:22:36.38

Yes, Dad. You're absolutely right.

0:22:36.46 - 0:22:39.88

You have a duty to the Back Hand nation to resume your campaign!

0:22:39.96 - 0:22:41.92

I couldn't agree more.

0:22:42.00 - 0:22:44.13

-What is he trying to say? -Pick a lane.

0:22:44.21 - 0:22:46.79

This is why I didn't want you on my campaign.

0:22:46.88 - 0:22:48.88

You are totally spineless!

0:22:50.04 - 0:22:52.25

[growls]

0:22:52.33 - 0:22:54.96

So am I!

0:22:55.04 - 0:22:56.29

[everyone gasps]

0:22:56.38 - 0:22:58.42

S'up bitches, Lil Brett here.

0:22:58.50 - 0:23:01.33

I'mma tell you how my boy Brett really feels.

0:23:01.42 - 0:23:04.50

You people just wanted your own ideas shouted back at you,

0:23:04.58 - 0:23:06.21

and they're all terrible!

0:23:06.29 - 0:23:08.33

Call your moms and delete Facebook.

0:23:08.42 - 0:23:11.71

And you only started caring about Brett when you thought he was useful.

0:23:11.79 - 0:23:14.79

Well, Lil Brett says get stuffed.

0:23:14.88 - 0:23:17.29

Brett is done trying to please everybody,

0:23:17.38 - 0:23:21.33

which means I've taught you everything I could, Brett.

0:23:21.42 - 0:23:22.67

-It's time. -What?

0:23:22.79 - 0:23:24.25

-[Lil Brett moans] -Oh, no! Lil Brett.

0:23:24.33 - 0:23:25.54

Don't go towards the light.

0:23:25.63 - 0:23:28.13

[gasps and splutters]

0:23:28.21 - 0:23:31.79

No! No! Lil Brett, don't leave me. I'm not strong enough without you.

0:23:31.88 - 0:23:33.67

Don't you dare leave me.

0:23:33.75 - 0:23:38.42

So he learned self-esteem from his own puppet and now it's dead?

0:23:38.50 - 0:23:41.29

The puppet has become the puppet master.

0:23:41.38 - 0:23:42.96

I guess. I… I… I can't follow.

0:23:44.04 - 0:23:45.92

I'm done letting others talk for me.

0:23:46.00 - 0:23:48.21

I'm done with you and done with Jagg.

0:23:48.29 - 0:23:50.46

I'm gonna do what Brett wants.

0:23:50.54 - 0:23:54.79

To go home and buy the domain name for HandPuppetsbyBrett.com.

0:23:54.88 - 0:23:57.04

Brett cares about puppets?

0:23:57.13 - 0:24:00.58

That is, uh, the one dot I cannot connect.

0:24:00.67 - 0:24:01.71

Yeah, that's creepy.

0:24:01.79 - 0:24:02.75

He's an adult man.

0:24:02.83 - 0:24:06.50

I'm too confused to be angry. And that makes me angry!

0:24:08.38 - 0:24:14.54

Brett, I am happy to run unopposed. You heard him, right? No take-backs.

0:24:14.63 - 0:24:17.42

It appears everything has somehow been resolved.

0:24:17.50 - 0:24:20.13

I cannot think of any dangling threads we've missed.

0:24:20.21 - 0:24:24.00

And we managed to get through a mission without killer robots, or monsters,

0:24:24.08 - 0:24:26.92

or some last-minute bananas twist.

0:24:27.00 - 0:24:30.92

Live from Hand Manor, Danica is here to save you, Brett!

0:24:31.00 - 0:24:32.13

Ah, there it is.

0:24:33.08 - 0:24:34.46

[gasps]

0:24:34.54 - 0:24:37.13

No!

0:24:37.63 - 0:24:39.25

-[everyone gasps] -Oh, no!

0:24:39.33 - 0:24:41.75

How could I accidentally shoot a loved one?

0:24:41.83 - 0:24:45.88

When you own a gun, there's only a 72% chance of that happening!

0:24:45.96 - 0:24:48.71

Hut, hut, hut. Touchdown!

0:24:49.54 - 0:24:53.38

Brett. You've sullied the family name with your antics,

0:24:53.46 - 0:24:55.75

but you've also saved your brother's life.

0:24:55.83 - 0:24:58.42

So I'm demoting Jagg to son number three for being weak.

0:24:59.00 - 0:25:00.25

-What? -[Brett gasps]

0:25:00.33 - 0:25:02.63

Am I… Am I son number one?

0:25:02.71 - 0:25:05.04

I'm keeping that position open for now.

0:25:05.58 - 0:25:06.79

Attaboy, Brett.

0:25:06.88 - 0:25:08.83

[gentle music plays]

0:25:10.54 - 0:25:11.79

Don't worry about Rand.

0:25:11.88 - 0:25:14.00

I'll take the flak for the deeper state debacle.

0:25:14.08 - 0:25:17.08

-It's okay. We can handle it. -[Reagan chuckles]

0:25:17.58 - 0:25:22.25

It's a miracle. Tamiko has responded yes to my summons for a date.

0:25:22.33 - 0:25:24.63

[chuckles] Brett, you're alive again. That's nice.

0:25:24.71 - 0:25:27.17

Wait. How did you get your stupid legislation passed

0:25:27.25 - 0:25:28.54

without Brett in the Senate?

0:25:28.63 - 0:25:29.83

[laughs]

0:25:29.92 - 0:25:32.92

You think Brett was the only politician I was betting on?

0:25:33.00 - 0:25:37.17

Once I got wind you three dipshits were deeper stating us,

0:25:37.25 - 0:25:41.46

we formed an even deeper deeper state and backed another candidate,

0:25:41.54 - 0:25:45.04

the focus group-approved man the camera can't help but love.

0:25:47.46 - 0:25:50.25

Wheelchair Brett from Jagg's commercial?

0:25:50.33 - 0:25:54.04

-Huh. I guess he really did test better. -Then this was all for nothing?

0:25:54.13 - 0:25:56.00

I want a raise, motherfucker!

0:25:56.08 - 0:25:58.00

Shh! Don't rock the boat, Lil Brett.

0:25:58.08 - 0:26:00.08

Oh, you want to double-cross me?

0:26:00.17 - 0:26:02.88

I have seen shit, Brett. I'm not the most shameful thing

0:26:02.96 - 0:26:04.96

you learned to do with your hands in that tree house.

0:26:05.04 - 0:26:06.75

-Oh God. -This is a workplace.

0:26:06.83 - 0:26:09.00

Reagan! He's too empowered. Cut off my hand.

0:26:09.08 - 0:26:11.04

I'd like to see you bitches try.

0:26:11.13 - 0:26:13.71

This is Lil Brett's world. You're all just living in it.

0:26:13.79 - 0:26:15.63

-[Reagan] Okay. -[Lil Brett] Back off, Ponytail.

0:26:15.71 - 0:26:17.75

I'll eat you like a piranha from the ankles up.

0:26:17.83 - 0:26:19.67

-[Gigi] Nuh-uh. -[Rand] Good God!

0:26:19.75 - 0:26:22.29

-[yelling] -[Lil Brett] Bow down, bitches.

0:26:22.38 - 0:26:24.71

-[screaming] -[Rand] Whoa! Take it easy, little guy!

0:26:24.79 - 0:26:26.04

-[Brett] Help! -[Rand] Die, you…

0:26:26.13 - 0:26:27.46

[Rand groans]

0:26:27.54 - 0:26:28.54

[Rand] Fuck!

0:26:28.63 - 0:26:29.46

[shrieking]

0:26:39.38 - 0:26:43.04

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